It has been a while since I have posted on my blog. I am sure some of you have wondered whether I had fallen off the edge of the earth. With as hard as the end of 2016 became for me, it felt a little as if I had. To say life got hard would be like saying open heart surgery was a bit inconvenient. One major tragedy for me was that my precious little Peanut, my muse of almost 12 years, died just a few days shy of her twelfth birthday.
That was after months of battling with a brain infection, not eating, and other maladies that are too painful to enumerate. I didn’t get to say goodbye. She died at the vet’s minutes before I got there to visit her. And this was just one tragedy. So yes, 2016 was hard for me. But life marches on, and I have had to march on too and do my best to find the silver linings in the midst of the storm clouds.
It’s not easy. Life never is. The one thing that has suffered the most in all of the chaos has been my writing. In the past, it was my solace, but now I find an eerie silence in my mind like a forest devoid of living things. Perfect backdrop for a horror film or scary story. Not so perfect when you rely upon the noise to provide you with inspiration. People keep saying to give it time, but time is such a relative thing. What is eternity when you don’t know the number of your days?
I have begun to write some, but it is like pulling the words through pluff mud. Each one dragged from the sucking, stinking mire of my brain with such labor that by the end of a few hours, a few paragraphs are all I have to show for my efforts. But it is something, and the words are clean and true. Truer than the confusion that still reigns supreme in some aspects of my life at the moment.
Though it is true 2017 has its issues to face, it started better than 2016 ended. I have hope for this year. I have things to look forward to, and I still have my precious Sassy. Her presence has been a tremendous comfort, and each day I remind myself how blessed I am to have her. It’s how I get through the hard times. Reminding myself of what I do have instead of focusing on what I don’t.
So here’s to a new day and a new year. Each one holds infinite possibilities. I plan on leaping forward with both feet and not looking back. I think Sassy has the right idea. Love unconditionally. Play hard. And dream big dreams. Here’s to 2017!
I don’t know when this was but am as sorry as can be. There is sadness when any family finishes their journey. Even if blissful where they are; it is an absence to us. However, to not be there when a loved-one crossed over would be my greatest dread. I hope you are less sentimental than I would be. Based on how I would feel about the timing of the birthday and visit; if you aren’t beseeching God, “Couldn’t you have given us THIS much?”, you have a better attitude and are on the way to healing.
My love and care go to you upon this news, Helen. As for writing: express sad, anguished things that empty out what you feel, instead of trying to create anything. Or be okay with not writing. Your creativity will be rested and full later. Love: Carolyn, McCartney, Spirit, Conan, Petal, Marigold, Angel, and always Lovey.
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I am very sorry you had to go through all of this choas. I don’t know much about you, but I do really love your writings. Please regain your powers, we are eager to read some more !
Keeping you in my prayers. ❤ much love.
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still waiting for the case of the monkey’s misfortune